infinite abyss

currently still in a grouchy down mood during this past week. I don't know what's wrong, I'm suddenly really tired of everything, physically and mentally. I just deleted all the stuff that's bothering me, cause it was just a big whine list. Apologies to anyone who has interacted with me this past week.

I finally caught up with Lillian the other day, who told me that she was actually doing part-time uni studies. She's actually doing a lot with her spare time; she's picked up another job, doing some volunteer work down at a disable home, some church stuff and catching with friends. She seemed really happy with it, and it sounds well worth the extra few months added to her time at uni.

It got me thinking about the path I've always thought I wanted. While many people had dreams of successful jobs, travelling the world, going to [insert country] and doing [famous thing], I had pretty modest hopes of the future. A family, a house, a secure decent job, with the occasional holiday. For that to happen, it was a straight line through high school, onto university, out in the work force and just steadily build all of it up. Not that I've got any of it yet.

Now I'm wondering if that straight line is a terrible idea. New Zealand was definitely not in that straight line, but it changed my life for the better. Again, I keep thinking that I have no real deep passion for engineering (even though I do enjoy the course), I'm not sure if I can make it a big part of my life later. My straight line now seems so monotonous and boring.

I remember having this conversation with my friends, about the point of your life. In the big picture, what does it all mean. In 200 years, will anything you do survive the sands of time? But that's another topic, for another day.

and I will end my gloomy post. hopefully the next one will be cheerful.

teoh,