a few years later...

I seem to like coming back here when life gets interesting. And by interesting, I mean a little bumpy.

Three years on and I feel like nothing much has changed. I am working at Humes as a project manager. I've moved back home after a year and a half at South Melbourne. I go on some pretty nice holidays now and then. But nothing amazingly new.

This year was the year for me to concentrate on landing some of my milestones in my life. Getting an investment property. Getting ready for my next stage in my relationship. Maybe moving out of the house with my better half.

Instead, after 6 - 12 months of serious struggle, I decided that enough was enough. I quit my job at Humes.

I am so relieved. So relieved that I managed to finally come to the decision that I am not happy in my role. Relieved that in a few weeks time, I can finally stop having stomach cramps as I try to go to sleep.

I am scared. Scared that I am breaking away from what has been a relatively linear life. Scared that the job market is pretty slow at the moment and I am a small fish in a big pond.

I am excited. Excited to have freedom to choose what I want to do.

Ultimately, I just can't wait until the 27th of Feb.

Then I'll take a deep breath and see what awaits me.

It seems like everyone is feeling a bit of pressure at the moment. I think it's the stage in our lives where we are being forced to make a life changing decision and we're trying to find the right answer for ourselves. Life seems to be getting more difficult as it goes on.

I've written three or four paragraphs, and then deleted them after this. I just want to remember this point in this year, how bleak and hellish the next few weeks seem, and be able to look back and laugh. Or cry.

teoh,

=_=

I have bitten off a bit more than I can chew at the moment.

Stress!

whoa, where did I go

All of a sudden, I feel like I just lost the past few days of my life. I can't remember specific dates or events, I suddenly had an overload amount of blog posts to catchup/skim through, youtube subscriptions went through the roof (crazy youtubers) and emails piled up on the side.

Where did I go?

Did my sub conscience superhero take over on some urgent top secret mission to save the country and did some awesome heroic deed that for unknown reasons must stay disclosed from the public, resulting in this missing past?

Or did I recently get blasted by some psychic power by an evil villain, who stole some innocent item from me that was actually the key to the ultimate power in the world, and my mind has been confuddled to prevent me from retrieving it?

Or was I possessed by a recently passed away boy, who used me to say a final tearful farewell to his family, while at the same time teaching me important life lessons and morals that will turn me into a better person?

Or was I recruited by some secret military branch since I was young to give me the chance to kill a dangerous terrorist organisation that killed my loved one, but then found out that it the was the military branch that killed my loved one, and used my anger to trick me into working for them, which then made me turn on them, resulting in me being overpowered by this unbelievable social evil people and being brainwashed and thus forgetting the past few days?

These were my ideas for national writer's month, that me and jason probably be too lazy to do in the end.

teoh,

infinite abyss

currently still in a grouchy down mood during this past week. I don't know what's wrong, I'm suddenly really tired of everything, physically and mentally. I just deleted all the stuff that's bothering me, cause it was just a big whine list. Apologies to anyone who has interacted with me this past week.

I finally caught up with Lillian the other day, who told me that she was actually doing part-time uni studies. She's actually doing a lot with her spare time; she's picked up another job, doing some volunteer work down at a disable home, some church stuff and catching with friends. She seemed really happy with it, and it sounds well worth the extra few months added to her time at uni.

It got me thinking about the path I've always thought I wanted. While many people had dreams of successful jobs, travelling the world, going to [insert country] and doing [famous thing], I had pretty modest hopes of the future. A family, a house, a secure decent job, with the occasional holiday. For that to happen, it was a straight line through high school, onto university, out in the work force and just steadily build all of it up. Not that I've got any of it yet.

Now I'm wondering if that straight line is a terrible idea. New Zealand was definitely not in that straight line, but it changed my life for the better. Again, I keep thinking that I have no real deep passion for engineering (even though I do enjoy the course), I'm not sure if I can make it a big part of my life later. My straight line now seems so monotonous and boring.

I remember having this conversation with my friends, about the point of your life. In the big picture, what does it all mean. In 200 years, will anything you do survive the sands of time? But that's another topic, for another day.

and I will end my gloomy post. hopefully the next one will be cheerful.

teoh,

the giants that will never fall

I. Am. Sick. Of. Telstra.

 You'd think changing to a newer more recent plan would be easy; especially when I already had all the per-requisites. But NOOO. Not so apparently. Telstra goes out of it's way to STUFF IT ALL UP. So bear with my rant, I do have a point to make.

First, the stupid store doesn't even put the order through properly. Then the deal doesn't apply within 3 days. THEN, they charge me the normal price instead of the discount special. THEN, the stupid operator who gave me my discount CHANGED my plan back to the normal one. Like double-yuu-tee-eff? So that means not only do I get charged for normal price, but I get double charged for the month remaining of my non-existent faster plan. And I'm pretty sure I didn't get my $30 discount either.

So now everything is confusing, I don't get any quotes so I'm pretty sure Telstra came out of this laughing it's multi-billion ass off. 

Man. I hate it when big companies can get away with stuff like this. And there's nothing we little people can do about it. Banks, telecommunications, governments, they're all the same. We need a modern Robin Hood. Someone who will go past the law and sort these guys out, cause let's face it; what else is going to hurt them? A law suit is like throwing a rock at a steel building, and having it bounce back and hit you in the eye and kill you. I'm tempted to be that person and spend the rest of my life plotting to somehow make Telstra's stock fall to negative infinity.

Btw, call-operator Alan, from one operator to another. Saying "I'm juuuuust cheeecking" for like 2 minutes does not help my patience. How about you just check it faster instead of wasting your breath saying that phrase over and over? Or put me on hold dammit, that's what soothing music is for. I'd actually prefer you to actually fix my problem, but I know that's TOO MUCH to ask from Telstra.

angry teoh,

p.s hi stalker =]

opening my eyes

so the weekend is over, and carolyn is now in the safe hands of her mother and her friends. thankfully, nothing completely disastrous happened with her time with me, and I hope she had least had a good time.

thank you to all my friends who came over on friday night; I know I was probably a little stressed out, the whole day was just too crammed and I was way too nervous. She deemed you all 'lovely' (she loved tim's drama actions and story telling) and enjoyed your company, so thank you all for making it a good night for her...as opposed to my shocking performance in hats T_T

we ended up having a good time in the city, split up in two blocks of morning-early afternoon, and evening-late night, with a nap in the middle. I noticed she loved her naps in NZ, and it was no different in Melbourne haha which I thought was kind of amusing. We found some nice shops in little collins street, but hit the jackpot when we went to the book market at fed square, where she bought 8 books haha. Ling, you would've loved her choices.

comedy fest was awesome, arj barker was very good. His opening star wars joke sold it for me, along with some others. They weren't jokes you can simply tell, but needed good delivery, and he did it very well.

dandenong ranges was also quite good, the shops with little 'knick knacks' were right up her alley I guess, though the walk was kinda dull as I didn't really know where it led, so we just wandered around for abit. the tea house there was pretty good for breakfast too. *bookmarks in head*

So that was the weekend, and again I hope she had a great time.

the weekend kinda opened my eyes to what a city we have, the things we can do and to appreciate it a bit more than my usual 'meh, I don't really like the city' comment. I guess there is a bit more to the city, the culture and stuff, but I still don't...get into it. Not my thing or just pure ignorance?

also, carolyn kept asking me things like, did I know this artist, or this book, or this movie, or this place, or this thing, and I hardly could say affirmative to any of it. I'm SO BORING. My knowledge amounts to nothing. What do I have to offer to anyone!? Sometimes I'm so ashamed of myself and filled with much self-pity.

teoh,

missing title.

allow me a little emo moment: heat + disappointment + tired = frustrated

you know how sometimes you can have a thought; and then that thought can turn into a hope; in which you hope so much, you use it as a foundation for more thoughts and hopes. but then the original thought is actually irrational, and then it all comes crashing down? (notice how it semi-relates to engineering harhar)

also, I hate the fact I'm such a needy friend. Some people tell me I'm a great organiser, or it's me who keeps groups together. It's not true at all. Other people are the heart of the group, regardless of what I do. In truth, I'm the one that needs my group more than they need me. That's why I'm always organising..cause I'm the one that always wants to get together.

I dunno, I feel sorta pathetic at the moment. And selfish.

/end